It is December 13 and it has been a month and a half since I have posted anything here...
I don't even have my sister's excuse of just having had a baby...
My excuse is that I spent November trying to get my iron levels raised...for those of you who may not know, I was so tired the entire month of October that I did things that are nearly unprecedented for me...I took naps. I could barely get out of bed in the morning and once I did finally drag myself out, I ended up lying down on the couch, pitifully and plaintively begging Brian to bring me a cup of industrial strength coffee in the vain hope that it would help me get moving...
For a few weeks, I thought it was mainly the aftereffects of having swine flu, but when I finally did get in to see my doctor (not because he wasn't available, but because I stubbornly refused to believe that my lethargy was due to anything other than my own weakness-yes, I am that hard on myself), he ordered blood tests and lo, and behold, my ferritin levels were at 9. They should have been at 80. A touch anemic, shall we say?
Oy vey...
So Doc informs me that I should start taking a certain iron supplement, twice a day for at least six months, at which point, we'll re-do the bloodwork...which was great news, except for one minor detail. Said supplement was like trying to find a needle in a friggin' haystack...
When I finally found the stuff, I happily started taking the little green pills (little might be a tad of a stretch...they are about a half inch long!), my energy levels started coming up (miracle of miracles!) and then I found out that I couldn't get another bottle...why? Because the manufacturer hadn't expected such a huge demand and they were on a two month backorder/waiting list for the stuff! Which meant that for two glorious weeks, I started feeling better and then spent another three on a slow backward slide towards the land of zero energy...
On the upside, I went to my pharmacy one day to pick up insulin for myself, happened to enquire about the iron, and discovered that just that morning, a fresh supply had arrived...I quickly bought a bottle and started taking the pills again...only, in an effort to save money (and the possibility that there will be another wait for the stuff), I'm only taking one a day...sorry Dr. Barry!...however, my energy levels have started coming up again and it's nice to start feeling human this close to Christmas...
Which brings me to my latest...
I am insane.
Why?
Because I have decided to run a marathon.
About 15 years ago, I started running. Ten years ago, I was pregnant with my first child and wasn't running at all...about a year after Ian was born, I decided to try running again...at which point, I found out that having a baby had left me with the inability to run without peeing myself...of course, I thought I was doing something wrong and ranted and raved at myself for days (ok, probably weeks) on end for being a failure...
Yeah, yeah, I know, not being able to run does not make me (or anyone else) a loser...but I did say that I was hard on myself, did I not?
Two years later, I tried again (after baby #2 had made her appearance), with the same effect...
More ranting and name calling ensued...
In the spring of 2007, I decided that enough was enough and I was ready to try strapping on the shoes again...and ran in my very first race that July...a 5km race that was just for fun (and to prove to myself that I could do it)...once the race was over, I decided to enter a 10k race. I ran that race in September 2007, but about 8 km into it, my right knee felt like someone was taking a hot poker to it and I had to walk a chunk of the race (I finished running, but I was down on myself for not being able to run the entire thing...but I finished, I kept telling myself)...for the next few weeks after the race, I hobbled around, wondering if I would ever be able to run again...
Which I couldn't, not really, because on top of the knee issues, I also ended up peeing myself every time I went out for a run...the after effect of having four babies in just under four years...
I had sort of resigned myself to the fact that I would never be a runner again...which bothered me, because I love it...
And then a few weeks ago, I was watching "The Biggest Loser" on a Tuesday night...I watch it because I find it inspiring...it drives me to want to work out longer, stronger...and frankly, seeing how big some of those contestants are makes me feel teeny, tiny (which some days I need, especially if I'm feeling particularly blah)...and these people, who all outweighed me by at least 50 pounds, were running a marathon...their knees were screaming at them and they weren't running very fast, but they were running and they just kept going, no matter how much they wanted to stop...
Now, part of not stopping may have been the camera crew in their faces and not wanting to look bad on tv, but I happen to think that the real reason they kept pounding the pavement was to prove to themselves that they could do it...
And I want to prove to me that I can do it too...
So last week, I started running again...just for 15 minutes at a time...and I only went out three days...but I did it...and by Wednesday, I was on the phone with my sister (the one who just had a baby two months ago), asking her if she wanted to run it with me...she's not sure (she does have this weird foot problem that no one seems to be able to figure out-it's been swollen for something like 7 years now), but whether she joins me or not, I am doing this.
On May 30, 2010, at 7 am, I am going to be standing with thousands of other runners, waiting for the starting gun...I won't win any speed records, but I will prove to myself that I can finish the race and when I do, that little nasty voice inside my head that tells me I can't do it, whatever it is...will be shut up forever...
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