I Am Curious...

...about who taught my 6-years-old-just-finished-grade-1-daughter to belt out Alice Cooper songs?

"School's out for summer!" is all we've heard from Avery since she got home yesterday...and I know it wasn't me or Brian...

I'm also pretty sure she thinks Alice is just a nice young lady who wrote a song about being on summer vacation...

Oh me, oh my...

So after the "marriage" talk in the car last night, I went out to pick up a few groceries while Brian put the kids to bed.

There was a bit of a kerfuffle when Jamie realized that I wasn't there, because he had wanted to tell me something.

"Well, why don't you tell me?" Brian asked.

"Because you're not Mama," Jamie answered (quite logically, I thought, when the story was retold to me). "I wanted to tell Mommy something."

"Well, I'm just like Mama," said Brian, trying to convince our youngest son that he was a good substitute for me. "Aren't I?"

"No!" Both boys answered their father...and then proceeded to give him a list of the reasons why he was not me.

"First," said Ian. "You're a man, not a woman."

"Number two," added Jamie. "You have a beard here," pointing to Brian's five o'clock shadow.

"And you don't have these thing-a-ma-jigs," said Ian, pointing to his chest.

"Thing-a-ma-jigs?" Brian was breathless, trying to choke back his laughter.

"And," said Ian, with a finality that ended the conversation, "You have a willy, not a line here." (pointing to his own front)

We're still trying to pick Brian up off the floor.

Here Comes The Bride...

My daughter Avery is getting married.

Bear in mind that she is only six and a half years old.

Last night on the way home from soccer, Avery put her soccer ball under her shirt, and laughingly told the rest of us that she was having a baby.

Then she said "I'm 20 and I'm having a baby!"

"You'd better not be 20 and having a baby," I warned her.

"Why not?" Avery asked.

"Uh, because 20 is a bit young to be having babies. Daddy and I would like you to be a wee bit older than that," I answered her. "Plus, we'd like you to be married first, too."

(Don't anyone get their knickers in a knot here, we make no bones about the fact that we are practicing Catholics and we're not going to change our preferences to be more politically correct-yes, we know that people get pregnant before they get married...I am a product of one such union, so let's move along, shall we?)

"I am going to be married," announced my daughter. "To Matthew."

"Fillman?" I croaked. (Matthew is our next door neighbor.)

I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"But he's not Catholic," I told Avery. (see note above for any of you getting hot under the collar-besides, I was joking-we are not going to disown our kids if they marry non-Catholics-for crying out loud, I've only been one for 4 years...)

"That's ok," said Avery, smiling serenely. "He can become one."

"Um, does Matthew know about this plan?" I asked.

"No," answered Avery.

"Well, are you going to let him in on it?" I asked, trying not to laugh out loud.

"I'll let him know when I'm 7," Avery informed me.

"Ah, I see," I said. "And have you set a date for this momentous occasion?"

"September 1," Avery answered. "Some year."

And that is when I did laugh.